Wiki With Me #2: Tanuki

Tanuki
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tanuki

Tanuki (狸 or タヌキ?) is the common Japanese name for the Japanese raccoon dog (Nyctereutes procyonoides viverrinus). They have been part of Japanese folklore since ancient times. The legendary tanuki is reputed to be mischievous and jolly, a master of disguise and shapeshifting, but somewhat gullible and absent-minded.

So, these things are doppelganger versions of Winnie the Pooh? I'm in. Sounds wholesome enough. Wait, what's that between their legs...

Folklore

Statues of tanuki can be found outside many Japanese temples and restaurants, especially noodle shops. These statues often wear big, straw hats and carry bottles of sake in one hand, and a promissory note or empty purse in the other hand. Tanuki statues always have large bellies. The statues also usually show humorously large testicles, typically hanging down to the floor or ground, although this feature is sometimes omitted in contemporary sculpture.

• Hey man, can I put this statue outside of the restaurant? You know, for good luck and shit?
• ... Is the statue of a drunken raccoon?
• Yes, with gigantic balls. You could almost call them comically over-sized.
• Nothing wrong with that. Hell, let's name the restaurant 'Pickled Raccoon Nuts' in honor of your statue.
• Really? That's awesome!
• No you fucking nutcase, get the hell out of here... leave your statue though. I like your lighthearted depiction of this mutt with elephantiasis.

The comical image of the tanuki is thought to have developed during the Kamakura era. The actual wild tanuki has disproportionately large testicles, a feature that has inspired humorous exaggeration in artistic depictions. Tanuki may be shown with their testicles flung over their backs like travellers' packs, or using them as drums. As tanuki are also typically depicted as having large bellies, they may be depicted as drumming on their bellies instead of their testicles — particularly in contemporary art.

I like the article's implication that since the creature has big nuts, it's obvious that this feature would be explored in various art forms. Hell, just last week a saw a picture of a horse using his own cock to lasso a cowboy. I had questions then, but not anymore. Thanks Internet.

During the Kamakura and Muromachi eras, some stories began to include more sinister tanuki. The Otogizōshi story of "Kachi-kachi Yama" features a tanuki that clubs an old lady to death and serves her to her unknowing husband as "old lady soup," an ironic twist on the folkloric recipe known as "tanuki soup."

• You heard about these raccoon statues? They're kind of wacky. They have over-sized balls, and they like drape them over their shoulders and shit.
• I heard a story where one of those things beats an old lady to death.
• The goofy things playing their nuts like a set of crazy bongos?
• Yes, then it made a soup out of her, and served it to her husband.
• Did it club the lady with its balls? Because otherwise that doesn't even make sense dude.

The tanuki has eight special traits that bring good fortune, possibly created to coincide to the "Hachi" symbol (meaning eight) often found on the sake bottles the statues hold.

The eight traits are: a hat to be ready to protect against trouble or bad weather; big eyes to perceive the environment and help make good decisions; a sake bottle that represents virtue; a big tail that provides steadiness and strength until success is achieved; over-sized testicles that symbolize financial luck; a promissory note that represents trust or confidence; a big belly that symbolises bold and calm decisiveness; and a friendly smile.

Hold on a second, I get the booze = virtue part, because we all know alcohol only brings out the best in people, but big nuts are a symbol of financial luck? Is this some ancient Japanese version of Alec Baldwin taking brass balls out of his briefcase in Glengarry Glen Ross?

A common schoolyard song in Japan (the tune of which can be heard in the arcade game Ponpoko and a variation of which is sung in the Studio Ghibli film Pom Poko) makes explicit reference to the tanuki's anatomy:

Tan Tan Tanuki no kintama wa,
Kaze mo nai no ni,
Bura bura

Roughly translated, this means "Tan-tan-tanuki's testicles, there isn't even any wind but still go swing-swing-swing." It continues for several verses, with many regional variations. It is sung to the melody of an American Baptist hymn called "Shall We Gather at the River?".

That's right, the nuts just keep swing swing swinging. No wind or anything, those bad boys just move on their own. Picture the spinning rims on a tricked-out Escalade. It's like that, but with a scrotum.

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And so closes the second installment of "Wiki With Me". If anyone knows of any interesting Wikipedia articles they'd like me to consider for future installments, feel free to send me an email at pertchronex@gmail.com, or send me a tweet at @CptnGorillaquy.