http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/P_Funk_mythology
The P-Funk mythology is a group of recurring fictional characters, themes and ideas related in a series of concept albums and live shows, primarily from George Clinton and his founded bands Parliament and Funkadelic.
Concept albums huh, this sounds like some pretty high-brow stuff. If George Clinton wasn't such a glorious human being, I'd almost be afraid this was going to be boring.
Funkadelic and Parliament are, in effect, the same band, with both bands at one time employing their musicians from the same pool, namely James Brown's backing bands (both the JBs, and the later Soul Gs). Musicians such as Bernie Worrell, Fred Wesley and Maceo Parker all at one time played with Parliament and/or Funkadelic. Due to contractual issues, where the names changed because of multiple switches in record labels, these two bands, along with George Clinton and the P-Funk All Stars and Bootsy's Rubber Band are nowadays collectively known as P-Funk.
- Man, I love this band Parilament.
- Oh, you mean Funkadelic.
- Actually, I mean George Clinton and the P-Funk All Stars.
- How do you feel about Bootsy's Rubber Band?
- I'm a purist, how about you go funk yourself.
On Mothership Connection (1975), the first track, "P Funk", concerns a DJ character, who inspired the Lollypop Man (alias the Long Haired Sucker). According to Clinton (who shares credit for the song with Bernie Worrell and Bootsy Collins), he was frustrated that radio stations refused to play his songs and invented his own station (called W-E-F-U-N-K) and a DJ to man it.
The DJ is the Lollypop Man, nicknamed the Long Haired Sucker, and this is all an allegory for Clinton's personal struggles getting some airtime for his unique style of funky flow. Pfft, what's so hard to get?
On Mothership Connection, Starchild first appeared (inspired equally by Sun Ra's "Black Noah" and Jesus); he is a divine alien being, who came to earth from a spaceship (his arrival is "the Mothership Connection") to bring the holy Funk (with a capital "F": the cause of creation and source of energy and all life), to humanity.
What the fuck kind of sentence is that? You can't just drop "Black Alien Jesus ready to funk up humanity" so casually.
As it turns out (according to The Clones of Dr. Funkenstein, 1976), Starchild secretly worked for Dr. Funkenstein, the intergalactic master of outer space Funk, who is capable of fixing all of man’s ills, because the "bigger the headache, the bigger the pill" and he’s the "big pill" ("Dr. Funkenstein", from The Clones of Dr. Funkenstein).
Ok, so Jesus is working for this doctor, an intergalactic master of funk, who has a cure for humanity's ailments which happens to be a big pill... someone's been to a rave or two.
Dr. Funkenstein’s predecessors had encoded the secrets of Funk in the Pyramids because humanity wasn’t ready for its existence until the modern era. The titular "clones" are the Children of Productions whose job is to ensure that everyone is on the One.)
I know what all of these words mean, but I swear they don't make sense in this order. Mr. Doctor put the cure in the pyramids because humans weren't ready for it... and something about clones. Who says drugs ruin lives?
Starchild’s nemesis is Sir Nose D’Voidoffunk ("Sir Nose Devoid of Funk" from Funkentelechy Vs. the Placebo Syndrome, 1977). Inspired by the single "The Pinocchio Theory" by Bootsy's Rubber Band, Sir Nose attempts to end the Funk because he is too cool to dance.
This is starting to hurt. The Anti-Christ is trying to get rid of this cure because he's too cool to dance? Is funk still cure here, or do they just drop funk in for random nouns and talk like Smurfs? Anyway, there's the Anti-Christ comes along trying to fuck up Jesus' shit. Tale as old as time.
He is the master of the Placebo Syndrome, which causes unFunkiness (a combination of stupidity and no dancing). His goal is to place the minds of all humanity into a state called the Zone of Zero Funkativity.
The Anti-Christ's secret weapon causes stupidity and a lack of co-ordination? This is the "antidote" to Jesus' magic dancing powers? I can't tell where the good drugs end, and the bad drugs begin. Just give me the George Clinton cocktail and I'll see you guys in a week.
Starchild, on the other hand, uses his Bop Gun ("Bop Gun (Endangered Species)", from Funkentelechy Vs the Placebo Syndrome) to achieve Funkentelechy for all humanity. With the Funky powers of the Bop Gun (which are augmented by the Flash Light....Shine the light on them suckas!!!), Starchild causes Sir Nose to reach Funkentelechy, and find his Funky soul. He then dances away the night.
You know what, fuck you George Clinton.
*Sigh* fine, I'll try this. Jesus gets a gun, which has the ability to give humans dancing powers. Using this gun in conjunction with a mystical flashlight, Jesus causes the Anti-Christ to feel the rhythm inside him and dance his pains away. Long story short, Jesus is is a drug pusher allowing all of humanity to roll on MDMA.
Sir Nose’s return (along with ally Rumpofsteelskin) is detailed on the Motor Booty Affair (1978). Here, Sir Nose is too cool to dance or swim, but Mr. Wiggles and the good citizens of Atlantis (a place where one can swim underwater without getting wet) cause Sir Nose to dance the Aqua Boogie.
The Anti-Christ's dancing powers (or Ecstacy, same shit) wear off, and now he's too evil to swim or dance. Shitty he's in Atlantis. Mr. Wiggles, some random club guy with glow sticks then teaches the Anti-Christ more dance moves. That's how you get your second wind at 4am, you talk to Mr. Wiggles.
At the end of Motor Booty Affair, and after Sir Nose's defeat, the citizens of Atlantis raise their home out of the sea on the song "Deep" ("We need to raise Atlantis from the bottom of the sea, dancing 'til we bring it to the top ...").
After serving the Anti-Christ, Atlantis is raised from the ocean depths... likely fueled by dancing or some other funking bullshit. Maybe they were all huffing helium too.
On Gloryhallastoopid (1979), Clinton flips the script on "Theme From The Black Hole" (later sampled by Digital Underground for "Same Song") and allows Sir Nose to win one battle by turning Starchild into a mule (the bad guy winning in the end?).
Who the fuck wrote this? I know George Clinton and his associates wrote the music and stuff, but who the fuck wrote this article? Whoever you are, fuck you.
Anyway, the Anti-Christ turns Jesus into a mule for some reason, and wins something... likely a dancing competition. These guys love their dance competitions. It's all like 'You Got Served', but with 55% more acid.
While gloating over his victory, Sir Nose alludes to multiple songs from Funkentelechy and Clones, mockingly referencing the scat singing from "Sir Nose" ("humdrum, twiddly-dee-dum Starchild!"), and pointing out the fact that Starchild is temporarily without weapons or allies ("Where's your flashlight? Where's your bop gun? Where's the Doctor [Funkenstein], Starchild?").
Surprise, surprise, the Anti-Christ is a proud asshole.
- What's wrong Jesus? Where's your gun, flashlight, or crazy doctor buddy? Don't mind me. Just dancing. That's right, I totally took some of those magic pills. Can't stop grinding my teeth. I love you man. I know we don't always get along, but I really love you.
Sir Nose’s machinations are undone three tracks later by the "Big Bang Theory", which reveals that the Funk caused the creation of the universe, though the only legible clue is the ethereal backing vocal line, "So we the clones were designed."
So The Big Bang was caused by this "funk" you speak of. Go on doctor jackass...
Sir Nose’s last appearance is on Trombipulation (1979), where he traces his ancestry back to the Cro-Nasal Sapiens, who were especially Funky, leading Sir Nose to reclaim his Funky heritage, along with his son, Sir Nose Jr.
The Anti-Christ digs up his family tree, finds the presence of superior funk, and suddenly reclaims his shit and keeps on dancing. Sure, why not. More pills please, the ones with the monkey stamp.
Funkadelic
Funkadelic albums are rather more ethereal and abstract when compared to Parliament’s. Rather than tell the story of a cast of characters, the mythology of Funkadelic is a socially conscious spiritualism.
More abstract? What the fuck were these guys smoking? Oh right... crack.
The Funk is described on the very first song ("Mommy, What's a Funkadelic?") of the very first Funkadelic album (Funkadelic, 1970), in the lines "... my name is Funk/I am not of your world/Hold still, baby, I won't do you no harm/I think I'll be good to you".
So The Funk is anthropomorphized as kind of a rapist?
On the second album, Free Your Mind... And Your Ass Will Follow (1971), Funk is said to lead to the Kingdom of heaven, which is described as being "within" (the titular song). "Funky Dollar Bill" (off the same album) describes multiple unFunky priorities, all revolving around materialism and consumerism, which have taken over all that is good and true in society (including, on "Eulogy and Light", religion).
Mr. Funk is a leader in heaven, and is leading a crusade against materialistic stuff. Watch out dude, the last guy making such claims found out that it's hard to dance while you're nailed to a cross.
One central concept is Maggot Brain (Maggot Brain, 1971), which is an unenlightened small-mindedness, and which must be overcome for humanity to avoid its destruction and decay. It is explicitly ascribed to the titular junkie in "Super Stupid," who has "lost the fight" with fear.
Mr. Funk is fighting the Republicans? Haha, topical humor.
Other songs on the album advocate universal love, peace, and brotherhood, and war is explicitly compared to insanity in "Back In Our Minds." The album ends on an apocalyptic note with "Wars of Armageddon," in which the sound of a crying baby can be taken as a direct reference to the speech at the beginning of the title track: "Mother Earth is pregnant for the third time, for y'all have knocked her up." With its noisy improvisation and activist chanting, the track appears to depict a final confrontation between good and evil.
There's a big showdown between good and evil, good likely led by Mr. Funk, and Earth is pregnant, perhaps with something funk related. Immaculate Funkception?
One Nation Under a Groove (Funkadelic, 1978) introduces Funkadelica, a nation wherein the Funk rules and can’t be either stopped or labeled. The people of Funkadelica are called Funkateers (as are P Funk fans) and are led by Uncle Jam. Their mission is to rescue dance music from the doldrums (unFunkiness).
The Nation of Funk is created, a place where you can't ever stop dancing. It's citizens have a stupid name, and are led by some asshole to rescue music from jerks. It's sort of like Footloose if those kids could get their hands on some high-grade club drugs.
The many identities of Bootsy Collins
On Stretchin' Out in Bootsy's Rubber Band (Bootsy's Rubber Band, 1976), Bootsy was Casper "not the Friendly Ghost, but the Holy Ghost", who educates children at the Psychoticbumpschool ("Psychoticbumpschool").
Now there's another Jesus, but he's a teacher. Lesson #1: Don't smoke crack.
On Bootsy? Player of the Year (Bootsy's Rubber Band, 1978) Bootsy is a rhinestone-bedecked doll of a rock star called Bootzilla ("Bootzilla") who is far superior to Barbie, on account of his ability to sing, dance and play.
Jesus is also an action figure who loves motherfucking rhinestones. He belongs to some musician, but is better than Barbie because LOOK AT ALL THE DRUGS I TOOK! EVERYONE LOVES MY MICHAEL JACKSON JESUS DOLL! LET'S GET FUNKED UP!
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And so closes another installment of "Wiki With Me". If anyone knows of any interesting Wikipedia articles they'd like me to consider for future installments, feel free to send me an email at pertchronex@gmail.com, or send me a tweet at @CptnGorillaquy.
