I mean, everyone looks snappy as fuck dressed to the nines, but what's they're not going to a party or anything. And if they are, where the fuck is my invite?
They seem really cute, but why? Most of the things I find cute would be awesome to hug, like a baby tiger or Scarlett Johansson. Penguins are slimy and cold, hitting somewhere near "turtle" on the list of things I want to hold against my person. I call it the hugability index.
Someone must have eaten one by now. They say everything tastes like chicken, but there's no fucking way penguin tastes like chicken. I know guys that have eaten kangaroo burgers who couldn't tell me what kind of wine penguin goes with. Red.
It was just a parable or whatever, but what did Noah eat on the ark? He only had two of each with him. There might have been a creature so delicious that he couldn't resist temptation. Sank his teeth in knowing that he was denying the entire human race from ever experiencing that flavor in the future. That's the kind of meal you masturbate during.
Every time I'm naked, I don't have to worry about where the closest dinosaur may be. Back in the day, you couldn't get that shit out of your head. People keep looking towards the future, but I think we've already made it. No stegosaurus has ever walked in on me trimming my pubes.
If evolution is real, how come old people keep talking about the way they can't piss like they used to? That has nothing to do with evolution, and everything to do with- OLD MAN WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT YOUR PROSTATE IN THE MIDDLE OF AN IHOP!?!?!
On an unrelated note I support euthanasia... especially for him.
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